Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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