Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
