How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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