Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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