I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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