I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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