Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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