textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
