This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
