On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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