i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
