Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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