If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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