They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
