what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
