i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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