i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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