Tell her she can't have a vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize