I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
