he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
