I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
