why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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