I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
