eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
