Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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