She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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