i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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