1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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