I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
