The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
