I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So vagazzling was a success
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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