Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
