Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
