I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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