and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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