I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
