I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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