He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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