what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
