Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
