My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
