Don't make out with my wife yet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
