i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
