sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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