If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is wine microwaveable?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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