I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
