I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize