smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
