peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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