My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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