I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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