You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
