my sisters under your porch take her home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
