I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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