I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
