You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize