i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
