he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
