I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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