My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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