we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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