I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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