At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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