my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
