you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
