6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
