I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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