Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
