i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize