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New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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