i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
