Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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