I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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