Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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