Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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