I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
