Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
