they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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