Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
do nipples grow back?
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