I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
