hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
there is puke in my bra ... again
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