I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
