Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
