I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
