I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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