i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
