She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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