I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
