oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
