We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
