So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
