i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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