I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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