Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
