I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
