That's intense
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
