Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
