Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
