Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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