Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wear drunk well.
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