I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
